Hello again, Weekend Writing Warriors! This is my next 9-sentence-snippet in my latest short story.
#8sunday October 18 , 2015 Birdie 11
This story is told from the point of view of a ‘haunt’. She is trapped in a limbo of homeless wandering, when she meets an orange cat and its human child. After an encounter with the child’s abusive father the trio escape into the nearby wilds.
To read the preceding text click here. The story continues with the following 9 sentences:
The child’s eyes fluttered open, and the cat stirred between us. She smiled.
“Hello, Miss! I told you, Kitty, that she would be just fine!” The last was said in a mock stern tone. The cat stretched and yawned, nestled happily between our bodies.
As she examined my face, she took on a sweetly solemn expression.
“You are that Lady, aren’t you Miss?”
She smiled at my incomprehension, “Never mind Miss, we will show you!”
© Kim Magennis 2015
Your comments or impressions are always very welcome. Please, drop me a word or two. Alternatively, let me know you were here by clicking on the ‘like’ button below. To enjoy what the other Weekend Writing Warriors have submitted, please click on the link below
This is really an interesting story. I wonder if the child knows something about the way the girl died and if that will have a strong bearing on why she and the cat can interact with her? Really great dialogue, very natural and engrossing.
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Love the way the scene unfolded. Definitely intrigued to know more about all three characters.
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I love that the cat was nestled in between them. A moment of comfort. That photo at the top is also really gorgeous! Did you take it?
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Thanks Tamara. Sadly i am not a photographer, although i cannot resist a good photo. All my pictures come from the internert and are marked for ‘re-use without attribution’,
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Great writing. I love the prospective of the child. Can’t wait to read more.
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I really love the tone of this story.
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Thank you Cara
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“That lady?” You’ve got me wondering which lady she means. I also wonder what, exactly the cat’s up to. Is she between them to protect one of them from the other, or is it just trying to stay warm? With a cat like this, one searches for deeper motives.
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I love that she seems to have named the cat “Kitty” that’s a very childish thing to do. The cat is, as others have said, a great character as well!
Since she’s using Miss as a title–like a name–it should be set off with commas, though. Like “Hello, John.” “Hello, Miss.”
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Thanks Caitlin. I always appreciate your input
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Cool little story, I don’t know whether to be glad or worried that the child appears to know so much that the Haunt doesn’t! Excellent excerpt, can’t wait for more.
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Thank you Veronica. Children hear and retain a lot more overheard adult conversations than we realise.
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Love the little girl’s voice in this. It’s totally normal to talk to a cat and haunt! And I want to know what the child is about to reveal.
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Thank you Christina!
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Nice to get a glimpse of the child’s reaction. Great job on revealing just enough in the dialogue. 🙂
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Thank you Lorien. I still struggle with dialogue, sou your comment is very helpful
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You leave us with a new question each week!
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Thank you Aurora. I am lucky the sentence count worked out that way 😄
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Marcia, pets warm the story. Don’t be afraid to use them. Think therapy dogs, stray cats you take in. I use them all the time and love it.
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Absolutely delicious. What a wonderful story. You are a wonder with your charming writing.
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That is very kind of you Charmaine. Thank you very much.
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I like the cat too, adds a lovely touch of humanization as we see how both characters interact with the cat. I always want to bring animals into my writing and somehow it never seems to fit, so I enjoy it when I see them elsewhere. Your cat seems to fit here naturally, not stuck in awkwardly. 🙂
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Thank you Marcia. He wrote himself into this story. I didn’t plan him- he just arrived. Cats do that😍
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You have me very curious. The cat is a nice touch:)
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Thank you Eleri
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This is an intriguing snippet and prompted me to go back and read the story so far. I love your writing style – powerful and rather beautiful. I’m impatient for more….
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Thank you Lynette, much appreciated
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I love the way this is unfolding, Kim, nice work!
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Thank you!
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I want to know! 🙂
Beautifully, descriptive writing, Kim! Wonderful excerpt. This is such a whimsical tale. 🙂
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Thank you Teresa!
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Uh, oh…did the child know about how she became a haunt?
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