Greetings fellow Weekend Writing Warriors! This is my next snippet in my short story entitled “Birdie”.
#8sunday November 08, 2015 Birdie 14
This story is told from the point of view of a ‘haunt’. She is trapped in a limbo of homeless wandering, when she meets an orange cat and its human child. After an encounter with the child’s abusive father the trio escape into the nearby wilds.The next morning the child takes them on a mission to the local hospital…
To read the preceding text click here. The story continues with the following 10 sentences:
The child left me in the shadow of a potted palm, as she went ahead to peep into each of the open doors. At the third door, she stopped and beckoned. I whispered to the cat, and together we made our way cautiously to her small crouched form. I hunkered down next to her, and she murmured “Here! We need to go in here!”
I peered into the room, with its single white-draped occupant. Machines beeped and wheezed, in splendid isolation. Finally sure that it was otherwise empty, we slid in the doorway. I quietly shut the door behind us to keep us from officious eyes.
We approached the bed.
© Kim Magennis 2015
Your comments or impressions are always very welcome. Please, drop me a word or two. Alternatively, let me know you were here by clicking on the ‘like’ button below. To enjoy what the other Weekend Writing Warriors have submitted, please click on the link below
First off – the photo of the hallway is spooky and now we’re headed into a hospital room with a body in it – have I mentioned I’m a wuss?
Great snippet.
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This is SUCH a cool story. I’m absolutely riveted and want to read more. Terrific snippet today!
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Thank yoe Veronica. I am sure the number of sentences allowed in these small snippets heighten the impact of each section. The idea is to get the same impact over a longer text
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Wondering if the “haunt” is going to see herself lying in the bed? Maybe this is why she seems trapped here. Even so, how do the child and cat see her so clearly? Very tense as we wait to find out. Great snippet.
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That’s a little disturbing. I wonder why they need to go in there? What are they going to do?
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The details you choose to share are always spot on. I have such a vivid impression of the room and I’m dying to know who’s in the bed!
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Oh no – another cliffhanger! Who is it and what happens next?
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Oooh. Loved how you left the snippet hanging there. Dying to know who’s on the bed (I swear that wasn’t an attempt at a pun…).
Lovely snippet!
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Thank you Mari, and thank you for stopping by
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Ahh! Cliffhanger! Who’s in the bed?
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A cliff hanger, folks. Do I have to join you in Africa to discover what happens next? Wonderful storytelling.
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Oh boy…this is good! Don’t have a post this week, just swinging by on my moderator rounds and had to read. I am all a twitter wondering who’s in that bed.
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Thanks for dropping by Millie. Much appreciated.
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Terrific atmosphere, tension and description, Kim! Nice work!
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Okay – so if the machines are beeping in the room, does that mean she’s not really dead? Just having an out-of-body experience? Single white-draped occupant seems to foretell death, but dead people don’t need machines.
This is a great scene, KIm. Full of tension.
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Great scene, really got my heart pumping. I can’t wait to read more.
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Hmmm…who is the single occupant of that room?? Great storytelling, Kim! I really want to read more. You have a wonderful writing voice.
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Eeep! What/who is in the bed? At least the child seems to know. Another great snippet!
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Hmm. Will the haunt reanimate the corpse? Or get a companion haunt? Or something else?
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