Welcome Weekend Writing Warriors! These are the next 10 sentences in my short story about Daniel, whose Last Day did not turn out as expected. Rescued from an attempted suicide, he awaits his fate, locked in a tiny cage. (This snippet was edited to fit the sentence requirement- the original is detailed in the link below.)
#8sunday December 27 , 2015 The Unwanted Package 6
Since he had not been included in the discussion, he decided to hold his tongue, and quietly mull over his options. Not that there looked like there were any, but mulling would entertain his mind while he waited.
“Not the sharpest tool in the shed, our Daniel.” Mum would make no bones about it, especially to anyone lucky enough not to have been afflicted with knowing the agonising details of his pitiful existence.
No point in making a break for it, even if he got the chance. He didn’t think his odds for success and future prosperity were high anywhere he was considered a mere ‘specimen’.
Endless minutes were punctuated with the loud ticks of a slightly jaundiced clock that hung on the grey wall he was facing. It was one of those with just the hands. What was worse, the long and short hands were just about the same length. So, it was either about ten minutes to three, or it was a quarter past ten.
© Kim Magennis 2015
You can find the preceding sentences here, (including the original text of this snippet) for continuity.
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That clock is such a great touch, the hands add to the feeling of being disoriented. Great snippet.
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Thank you Chelle!
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Interesting to have a bit of his background now. He’s mulling, I’m mulling…and the clock is ticking! Great snippet.
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Thanks Veronica. Backstory can be tricky. The same as scene setting. There is a fine balance between ‘enough’ and ‘boring’.
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I liked the clock. Nothing like an idle distraction before you learn your fate. I’m hoping he gets away somehow.
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Thank you, Elaine. He does not escape what lies ahead.
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A useless clock!
Happy New Year!
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Happy New Year Aurora!
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Daniel’s bad day just keeps going and going.
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Sure does. Vixtoria!
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lmao – I can’t read a clock with hands – had to get a digital – so his perception of the time – I can so relate 🙂
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Th
Thank you Daryl! Yes, analogues can be a pain!
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Love the clock. It was undoubtedly created by one of those ‘designers’ who makes black buttons on black devices, so you can’t see them.
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Absolutely!
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Maybe he’ll be able to seize another bureaucratic mistake, but he’d better be quick about it.
I hate clocks like that!
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They seem to happen a lot around him. But he always lands on his feet, sometimes in spite of himself.
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Great snippet. I’m starting to think he was already trapped in a mental/emotional cage before he got here.
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He was very unhappy, yes
Alexis.
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Great snippet! You can really feel the bleakness and despondence in the scene. I really enjoyed it. 🙂
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Thank you, Amy!
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I suspect the time is the least of his worries.
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You are right, of course, Cara.
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Well done! I enjoyed this snippet so much I went back to the first postings and read up to now. Happy New Year!
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Thank you Gem! And a magnificent New Year to you and yours!
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That last para is outstanding, Kim! The idea that it could be one of two different times–and a big difference between them, is telling. He’s really losing his tether. 🙂
Have a happy New Year 🙂
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Thank you Teresa. He really is!
May your New Year be prosperous and joyous!
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