Greetings, Weekend Writing Warriors! These are the first sentences in my WIP about a boy who escapes from a medical facility in a time and place far from here. I have not finished this story, and have no idea where it is taking me. The title: Runaway is not final, neither is the name of my main character. So, for the next few weeks let’s see where he takes us.
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For once, Blagdan was grateful it was winter. The grey sleet bombarded the rail pod’s plexiglass window. The passing metroscape blurred into a glittering smear of light and dark as the sun fled the sky.
He was glad for the thick cap which he pulled further down over his ears. The scarf was wrapped double round his neck covering his chin and mouth, and his hands were buried in over-sized gloves. His feet rattled, naked in the large boots that he had tightly laced not twenty minutes ago. The huge thick jacket nearly compensated for the thin medical gown he still wore under the hurriedly donned medtech uniform.
He wondered who Smith would have been going home to, and what kind of welcome he would have received. The portly grey-haired medtech had been kind, after a fashion. He had always spoken softly to the boy, and took less pleasure in the painful procedures that had become Blagdan’s daily ration.
© Kim Magennis 2016
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Oh! And if you are into VERY short stories: I have started a collection of 100 word stories that I will be adding to on a (hopefully) regular basis – see the library tab on the top of the page.
I don’t usually like a lot of description about scenery and clothes, but this was so well done and such a part of the scene that I was engrossed. Great snippet, and I’m really looking forward to more!
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Thanks Joyce, for stopping by. And thank you for the kind comment
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Great snippet! I loved the descriptions and the ending paragraph. Also, I love the word “bombarded.” Nice word choice! 😀
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Thank you, Amy
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I was wondering if I should feel sorry for this tech and his stolen clothes, and then the modifier ‘less’ made me wonder if he still took some pleasure in the pain…
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Insightful questions, Caitlin. Next week will reveal a lot more.
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What can I say except to agree with everyone that it’s a VERY intriguing beginning and I cant wait to find out more, I hope this poor boy doesn’t get recaptured! Great snippet.
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Thank you, Veronica!
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I loved the snippet. It makes me wonder where he’s going and what the heck happened to him.
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Yeah…I don’t know where the characters are taking you, Kim, but I want to go along! Your writing is outstanding. 🙂
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I feel so sorry for that boy. You put me totally in the scene.
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So intriguing! The premise hooked me right off. I wonder why he was grateful for winter during his escape? What kind of facility? Why and how did he escape? Where will he go? Full of questions here…great job!
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I’ll echo everyone else: a great beginning! I’m definitely anxious to read more.
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You paint a good picture of a cold, bleak landscape. I feel sorry for the boy (I am assuming he was young) having to wear oversized clothes and no socks in his boots. Look forward to reading more.
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Thank you, Rachel. His age is not what it seems, having said that, he starts out the equivalent of a teenager.
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Fantastic visual. I’m intrigued to more of what is going on. There seems to be a hint that there is much more…
Added to the Pinterest page. 🙂 https://www.pinterest.com/karenmnutt/snippet-sunday-posts/
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Thank you Karen! Much appreciated!
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You’ve painted a heartbreaking scene and pulled this reader in by her heart.
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Thank you, Charmaine. That is a very kind thing to say
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The last line strikes a sinister note!
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Thank you, Aurora. The Facility was not a good place!
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A cold, uncaring landscape, fantastic imagery there. And this – “He wondered who Smith would have been going home to” – makes me curious about how he got that coat.
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Thank you Sheila! If I got my sentence count right, you should know next week!
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Very visceral and visual. I’m hooked, Kim!
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Thank you, Nancy!
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Great description and you have hooked me with your beginning. I am eager to see where this goes. 🙂
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Thank you, Stephanie!
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That was a fabulous beginning – I so want to know more.
Tweeted.
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Than you, Victoria!
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Kim – I loved the line, “The passing metroscape blurred…” – that’s great writing. It’ll be interesting to see where he ends up.
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Thank you, Paula!
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This is a great a great beginning. Definitely want to know more about this character.
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Than you, Fallon
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Fantastic descriptions, Kim, you put us right there! I also love that line Ed pointed out (he beat me to it ;D).
Nice work!
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Thank you, Steven! Much appreciated.
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Fascinating beginning. Also curious to see where this goes.
Tweeted.
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Thank you, Daryl!
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Wonderfully descriptive passage. I get a very bad feeling about Blagdon’s past medical procedures and about the medtech whose clothes he’s now wearing. Can’t wait to see where this is going!
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Thank you, Jenna! More will be revealed next week!
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I got the chills with your description, but at the end, I’m so curious about Blagdon and his daily painful procedures. Why? I look forward to reading more! 🙂
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Thank you, Jessica!
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Great description, and plenty of tidbits dropped within the passage to piece together part of the story before the scene. Enjoyed it!
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Thank you!
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Very well done. I love how you plant little details to arouse suspicion.
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Thank you very much , Cara. Much appreciated.
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Blagdan’s a very interesting character. I love how you’ve planted questions and tension with the details about his clothing and the med tech. Good stuff!
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Thank you, Monica. I am glad you enjoyed it! Much appreciated.
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I love this line: “The passing metroscape blurred into a glittering smear of light and dark as the sun fled the sky”
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Thank you, Ed. Sometimes, I swear the lines are put into my head. The best ones I don’t even remember writing! ;¬}
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