#8sunday, 16/03/27 The Runaway 3

Greetings, Weekend Writing Warriors!  These are the next sentences in  my WIP about a boy who escapes from a medical facility in a time and place far from here. The details of his escape continue to unfold.

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He gathered his wits, and set off purposefully towards the busiest end of the walkway.

He slipped unnoticed into the throng of pedestrians and was shepherded, unchallenged, to the rail pod depot. Finding Smith’s boarding ticket in the huge jacket pocket had been sheer luck. As he swiped it over the rail pod reader, it glowed and the number of remaining trips lit up on its face – seventeen.

And so he had joined the bewildering crush of humanity that was the daily commute to the Outermost Rim. Until now, the boy’s only experience of his fellow Ring dwellers had been filtered through the clinical, flat screen of the viewer in the Facility lounge.

He felt strangely mislocated, as if he had stumbled onto a vast stage of life-like puppets, each guided by some mysterious purpose. Everyone was in on the story, except him. They had their lines, they were drawn on and off the stage by an invisible organising force. He alone was directionless, so, he allowed the ebb and flow of everyone else’s script to pull him along.

© Kim Magennis 2016

You can find the preceding text here.

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47 thoughts on “#8sunday, 16/03/27 The Runaway 3

  1. Kim, another awesome story going on! Are you going to publish a collection of your short stories? I think you should. You have a unique perspective and an incredible way of putting what you see, what you think, what you dream up–onto a written page.

    How many of us have watched commuters come and go–scurrying, and thought things like ants and worker bees? I LOVE your idea of the script. If any of us had been locked away and only fed images of the outside world via TV, how would we react to the real world?

    See, you made me think. Best thing a writer can do. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m guessing he doesn’t get out much 🙂 Love the metaphor of parts in a play. Makes sense if all he’s seen of the world is through a screen, and also very perceptive of him.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love the way he goes from moving purposefully to being jostled and purposeless, like a feather on the wind by the end of the snippet. Loved the theatre references too! I can see him letting the crowd just take him and move him like a puppet. Great imagery!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Love this line, “He alone was directionless, so, he allowed the ebb and flow of everyone else’s script to pull him along.” It really makes the reader feel the “alone-ness” that many people experience. The feeling of being someplace and yet not really being a part of it is very evident. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

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