Greetings, Weekend Writing Warriors! These are the next 9 sentences in my WIP about Blagdan, who escapes a Medical Facility via Rail pod to the City limits. He falls asleep and dreams. In astral form, he comes across a dreaded Mechanical which he identifies as a Harvester, with a trailer in tow.
I have included the last line from the preceding text for continuity.
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There was already a rumpled crop, lying in an unconscious heap in one corner.
Arms and legs tangled obscenely with tousled heads and pale white torsos. Unconscious, semi-naked and now lost to some unimaginable fate. The boy knew each one. They had scavenged and squabbled together through the ruins and bitter winter.
Aching with loss he fled to hide in the eves of a roofless church a few meters from where his abandoned body lay.
The train shuddered, and Blagdan struggled up from the depths of his dream.
The rail pod was an oasis of light adrift in a desert of implacable blackness. Looking out the window was pointless, as there was nothing to see, other than his ghostly reflection and a faint shadow of his breath.
© Kim Magennis 2016
You can find the preceding text here.
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Just a super good excerpt, all the way around. Visual but certainly not lacking in emotion. Great job!
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Thank you!
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This is beautifully written and filled with emotion. Wonderful snippet!
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Thank you Joyce! That is so kind of you.
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Fascinating snippet this week. Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you Heather
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Wow, what a chilling statement, “from where his abandoned body lay.”. Great snippet, really holds the attention.
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Thank you Chelle
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Excellent descriptions to paint the scene. Loved it!
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Thank you Amy
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Nice. Love your writing.
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Thank you Cara. That is an awesome thing for you to say. Much appreciated
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From one wasteland to another. Such a sense of hopelessness in both scenes…
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Thank you Caitlin. The desolation is a major theme.
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Your descriptions are fantastic.
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Thank you Elaine
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Chilling and yet completely enthralling – tweeted.
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Thank you, Daryl!
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Lovely, atmospheric, and lyrical. Just a wonderful snippet!
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Thank yo, Monica
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Splendid. Your prose is gorgeous.
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Thank you, Charmaine
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An awful fate for people you have known.
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Indeed, Aurora. Especially when you are powerless to do anything about it.
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Whew…that was enough to haunt your dreams forever. Good stuff.
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Thank you!
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Seems like a nightmare to me! A really horrifying one.
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How sad to see those he scavenged with now no more than a “rumpled crop”. Vivid imagery here. Nice!
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Thank you Sheila, as the story progresses, Blagdan’s dreams take on a much darker significance
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Thank you Rose.
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Grim and sad but highly intriguing. I definitely want to keep reading. Great excerpt!
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Thank you Veronica
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Wow, disturbingly surreal. Great snippet!
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Thank you Elizabeth, I am glad that came across
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Oh no! It got his friends. 😕 This continues to be terrifyingly vivid.
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Thank you Christina, I am glad you think so!
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That first paragraph – gripping – bravo!
Tweeted 🙂
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Thank you Victoria!
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So, was he just dreaming or seeing some reality somewhere? Very vivid, whichever.
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That is a very good question! One which i plan to unpack later😎
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Sounds like a quite horrific and bleak place to be. Great description.
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I am digging this! Chilling descriptions, and your prose really leaps off the page!
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Thank you Steven! Much appreciated
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Very nice scene, so real. The description makes me wonder if he is a ghost or if it’s astral travel.
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Thank you Linda, for dropping by and commenting. in his dream, it was astral travel…
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Haunting. And intriguing. Great snippet
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Thank you Fallon
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Eek, that is some scene you set for us. Very descriptive! Great work! 🙂
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Thank you Neva
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I am afraid for him! But I’m not sure that he isn’t insane… I’m flip-flopping.
Love the line about his reflection. It was very, very visual, Kim! 🙂
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Thank you, Teresa. I want to keep connected with the Reader during long pieces of narrative, and sensory input is a way I am experimenting with. I am glad it worked.
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There may be nothing to see, but it sounds better than what he saw in his dream. Great snippet!
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Absolutely, Jessica!
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Wow, you threw me with this one. I was thinking a wheat harvester or something like that. Not a PEOPLE harvester!
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Yay! That made my day, Ed! Thank you.
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