Greetings, Weekend Writing Warriors! These are the next 9 sentences a little further along in Blagdan’s story. He escapes from the Medical Facility, which has been the only home he knows, and flees to the Outer Rim via railpod. After awaking from a disturbing dream, he purchases some food from an automated food and drink dispenser. Seated in a different carriage, he eats his breakfast.
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Dismal rain still smudged the bleak landscape as the sun rose dejectedly into the sky.
He sat , licking sticky crumbs off his fingers, pondering the lack of life in the monotonously grey landscape, when the forward door slid open, and a dishevelled rail pod employee entered. The man nodded at Blagdan as he hurried past, towards the rear door, and with no more ado, was gone.
After a couple of hours, Blagdan was bored, and stiff with sitting. Whilst he was still contemplating his next move, the rail pod track curved in a graceful arc and the battered relic of a station zoomed into view through the water mottled window. Impulsively, he stood and made his way to the nearest Egress sign, and hovered at the plexiglass doors.
The sensor at the door did its magic, and the rail pod slowed at the siding. The doors wooshed open and Blagdan was buffeted by an acrid, blustery wind. Stepping onto the pocked plastcrete platform, he was caught by the wind, and swept along to the ramshackle building.
© Kim Magennis 2016
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Love the description – through the water mottled window – what an awesome visual 🙂
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Thank you Victoria
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This actually depressed me because I felt as if I were there with him. Love your word choices and lyrical feel. Wonderful snippet!
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Thank you Joyce
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Fabulous! Chilling. Loved it.
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Thank you Daryl
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It feels so chilly and desolated.
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Thank you, Linda. And thank you for dropping by, much appreciated.
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Dismal, and somehow lovely. Love the description!
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Thank you, Caitlin.
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Fantastic descriptions that ignited the senses. Great work! 😀
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Thank you, Amy, you are very kind!
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I could feel the desolation seeping into my bones!
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Thank you, Elizabeth
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Such a well written passage. So visual.
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Thank you Elaine
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What a way with words you have. Awesome.
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Thank you Cara
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I loved the juxtaposition of “graceful arc” with “battered relic of a station.” This scene reminds me sharply of Stephen King’s Dark Tower series and how there is all this technology that still sort of works but the civilization has moved on.
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Thank you Jenna. I must read that still! Mary Gentle also has a similar idea in her book ‘Witchbreed’.
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Such absolutely compelling prose, where even something as simple as him eating breakfast and walking up to the pod had me spellbound. Loved the depiction of the doors whooshing open, so evocative. 🙂
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Thank you Rose. Sometimes the simplest words describe things so much better than anything fancy.
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This sounds scary, and desolate. Great mental images with it.
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Thank you Sheila.
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As others have said, this is an utterly bleak world that Blagdan inhabits. I would be interested to know how far into the future this is, and are we still on Earth, or a distant place? I may have missed this information on earlier snippets. Great description.
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Thanks Rachel. Actually, you have missed little. I plan to do some back story in the next chapter. It will have a different POV and all will be revealed… Or enough, at least
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Interesting that he got off where he did. I can’t wait to find out more for sure. Great snippet!
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Thank you Veronica
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I could feel the wind in the desolate place.
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Thank you Aurora
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Highly evocative picture of desolation. So bleak and unwelcoming.
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Thank you, sadly there are thousands of photos on Google for inspiration.
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Moody and foreboding. Really makes me wonder what drew him to the ruined station.
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Good question, Alexis. Thank you!
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Harsh landscape reflects his gray mood. Great description!
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Thank you Gem
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Such an interesting, yet forbidding world!
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Thank you, Christina. It also holds one or two secrets…
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I’ve got a similarly bleak day here so I can sympathize with how much rotten weather can bring a person’s mood down. I hope Blagdan can shake that off and doesn’t regret going out into the wide unknown world.
Marcia
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Some truly magical descriptions here, Kim. Nice work!
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Thank you, Steven.
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Such a familiar setting, and yet so wonderfully transformed into another time and place. Great job.
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Thank you Chelle. I read somewhere that this is what modern SF is all about – taking the familiar and making it strange… I am glad you feel that way.
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Wonderful integration of the setting into the story! 🙂
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Thank you, Jessica
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So visual, Kim–and your use of the senses completely immersed me in the scene.
I’m not sure where he’s arrived is better than where he left??? Interesting story.
Anthology, please???
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That is always the question, isn’t it, Teresa? Have i just jumped out the frying pan?
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What gloriously bleak descriptions. Although you’ve never said a word about Blagdan’s thoughts or feelings, the setting says it all.
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Thank you Ed! I am glad I got it right!
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This snippet does a really good job of setting the scene and establishing some interesting world building. Great stuff! 🙂
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Thank you Whitney! And thank you for dropping by, much appreciated.
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