Greetings, Weekend Writing Warriors! This is my next 10-sentence-snippet in my latest short story. I have included the last sentence of the preceding piece for continuity
#8sunday October 04 , 2015 Birdie 09
This story is told from the point of view of a ‘haunt’. She is trapped in a limbo of homeless wandering, when she meets an orange cat and its human child. After an encounter with the child’s abusive father the trio escape into the nearby wilds.
To read the preceding text click here. The story continues with the following 10 sentences:
As soon as I met its gaze, it trotted up to me and butted my forehead with its striped head.
“He’s saying thank you Miss. Thank you for saving us. Dad was gonna kill us this time. For sure.” The words were made more appalling by their matter of fact tone and the youth of the voice.
I lost count of how many times I wandered in and out of consciousness. But every time I opened my eyes, the child and cat were there. I receded into the darkness, again and again.
When morning broke, I awoke to birdsong, and the tickle of mousy hair against my nose and cheeks.
© Kim Magennis 2015
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Great use of the sense, Kim. It really pulled me into the scene. And I love the whimsy of the story! Now I have to backtrack and get caught up on older snippets! 🙂
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Fabulous. The details – the head butt – the tickle of mousy hair – all things that grab the reader.
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Thank you Daryl!
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This is quite a story and so well done, I keep thinking about it. Intriguing excerpt today – the cat is clearly important (as cats always are, right?). Seems to be a lot at stake here, yet to be revealed….
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I hope I can meet that expectation. Thank you very much Veronica.
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Poor haunt, she must have been badly injured, unless her sleepiness is part of being dead. But she’s got some help, now, at least.
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In her case, the injuries are more than physical. Thanks for dropping by Caitlin
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Heart-wrenching, the matter-of-fact-ness. 😦
(excellent emotion in this snippet, though!)
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Thanks Tamara. It is an observation I have made about some abused children. Some seem to just rock with the boat, without feeling sorry for themselves.
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Great work mixing the animals with human interaction!
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Thank you Frank. I believe that including animals can add another dimension to a story.
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I just wanna love up on that sweet little child. Poor thing, so matter of fact about the abuse she’s been living through.
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Thank you Millie. Yes, children have a way of looking at things that some times escapes us as adults.
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Fantastic stuff — I LOVE this line:
“I receded into the darkness, again and again.”
Nicely done!
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Thank you Steve. The Poet in me lurks just beneath the surface ;-}
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Oh this is an interesting premise for a story. I look forward to seeing where it leads.
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Thank you Cindy, and thank you for dropping by!
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I love the intriguing build up. Wonder what will happen next for the haunt, child and cat.
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Thank you Lorien,there is definitely more to come!
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Snuggled together – how sweet!
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I love how barriers seem to dissolve in sleep. Thank you for dropping by Aurora
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Interesting that a haunt can be hurt. This is an intriguing, non-typical ghost story. Your details, as usual, are lovely.
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Thank you Alexis, much appreciated.
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Simply wonderful. I haven’t read anything like this and look forward to more.
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Sounds like she’s in bad shape.
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I’m really curious about Birdie and how she fits into this world. I’m so glad she’s there for the child…and that the child and the ginger cat are there for her, too…
You’ve really pulled me in!
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Thank you Shan. They are much more important than she realises.
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I had a feeling it was so. I have ideas, but I’m waiting to see what will happen. Maybe not especially patiently, but still waiting.
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:-} that is the agony and joy of reading. You can’t wait to find out, but hate the idea that it’s over!
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That’s where I usually start imagining what’s next! =)
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My, she’s encountering all sorts of creatures–the cat (if that’s really what it is), birds singing, and a mouse on her face.
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