Greetings, Weekend Writing Warriors! These are the next sentences in my WIP about a boy who finds himself on a rail pod after escaping from a medical facility in a time and place far from here. This week, we find out what happened to Smith, one of the medtechs who had managed Blagdan’s unpleasant treatments at the facility.
For the submissions of my Wewriwa fellows, please click on the icon below!
The boy shuddered. Smith had been made strange in his death. His familiar face had been so indefinably altered that the boy had not recognised him when he found his crumpled form at the medtech station.
Blagdan had hovered. Scant moments of confusion and indecision stretched into infinity. The analog timepiece fixed on the wall behind the station ticked loudly, echoing down the empty corridors.
In an instant he was released into a frenzy of action. Grabbing Smith’s pass card, he fled to the forbidden staff change room. Scrambling into Smith’s outdoor wear had taken only a few frantic heart beats. Before he had even taken stock of the situation, he found himself shivering on the grey sidewalk outside the Facility.
© Kim Magennis 2016
Your comments or impressions are always very welcome. Please, drop me a word or two. Alternatively, please let me know you were here by clicking on the ‘like’ button below.
Thanks for stopping by and please visit the other talented Weekend Writing Warriors. Click on the logo below to go to the website.
I’m hooked. I have to know what’s next.
And those tiny 100 word stories – might be just the right sized morsel for my chaotic A-Z and CampNaNo April!
LikeLiked by 1 person
They are entertaining, aren’t they? I never thought 100 words would be enough. Goes to show!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s a whole other kind of challenge, to do a short, short story well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You set a very tense scene and really draw the reader in, very realistic descriptions.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Chelle. I really need to work on not overdoing the details though!
LikeLike
Interesting snippet. Nice escape, but now what’s he going to do?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly! Thanks for dropping by PT
LikeLike
I love how eerie the phrases are describing the dead body–there’s no detail, but it still gives you the shivers.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Caitlin. I try hard to allow my reader to fill in the gaps. I am glad I got this one right!
LikeLike
I always look forward to reading your posts, Kim. I think you should publish a book of short stories. You are stellar at creating tension and wonder in a few words. I’d buy it!
LikeLike
Teresa, thank you. I am accumulating material for the end of the year.) As a twist on the classic book club, I belong to one where to be a member, everyone has to write a book. I am up first ;-} )
LikeLike
Wow! The tone was set right at the beginning. Sometimes the simplest sentences can pack the greatest punch, and I loved the line of how he was “made strange in death”. Great snippet!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Rose.
LikeLike
Loving the description…very intriguing plot line as well. Enjoyed it.
LikeLike
Thank you, TM!
LikeLike
Details made the scene really vivid. I’m behind in the story but your snippet makes me want more.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Gem. This is only the second, so you havent missed a lot. I will be setting up a “story so far” page when technology allows.
LikeLike
A bit spooky, finding him in a crumpled form, but good thinking about the change of identity to help him escape. A good snippet.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Rachel
LikeLike
What a way to escape – in a dead man’s clothes!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Indeed, Aurora. Thanks for finding me!
LikeLike
I’m glad the boy didn’t kill Smith, if I read it correctly. The clock was highly effective at creating tension and urgency in the scene – made me anxious LOL. Great snippet!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Veronica! Me too! Although, sometime our characters get to do horrid things
LikeLike
The fact that he thinks of it as an analog timepiece, not a clock, makes me think he’s unfamiliar with the term, which further distances his world from ours. Excellent snippet! I saw it all in black and white!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Jenna!
LikeLike
Spooky and emotional! Good excerpt, Kim. I like the analog clock ticking loudly, emphasizing the emptiness of the corridor. And I like the grey sidewalk, that visual brings home what “facility” really means in this context.
Marcia
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Marcia. Not a happy, homely place, that is for sure!
LikeLike
Chilling!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Dani! I do think that this may be where the story is going. Still unsure though!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah – I could actually hear that clock, Kim. What a great image to reinforce the snippet, too. I loved the line about Smith being made strange in his death. Can’t wait to read more.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Paula!
LikeLike
I love the world you’ve built here, and the intensity of the situation! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank yo, Jessica
LikeLike
For me, the mention that the clock is analog was especially telling, as though analog clocks were a rarity and their ticking worth remarking on. Good job.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Ed!
LikeLike