Greetings, Weekend Writing Warriors! These are the next 10 sentences in my WIP about a boy who grew up in a medical facility and who makes his escape on a Railpod. Blagdan falls asleep, and dreams. (I have included the last two sentences of last week’s post for continuity.) A small boy is hiding in the ruins of a building, from a Mechanical. The last two lines from the preceding text:
You never got away from a Mechanical. Once you moved you were as good as dead.
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Against his most visceral of instincts, the boy lay face down across the crumbled doorjamb, and surrendered to the cold. His breath faded to the slightest flutter. His core temperature hovered and dropped to dangerously low.
The boy felt his spirit rise from his near corpse and soar to the sky.
There it was!
Swooping in, like the smallest sparrow, he circled the mechanical.
It was a Harvester and not a Terminator. The broad yellow stripes across its upper armature clearly marked its intent. So did the cage in its tow. There was already a rumpled crop, lying in an unconscious heap in one corner.
© Kim Magennis 2016
You can find the preceding text here.
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I’m intrigued how this will end. Powerful snippet.
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Thank you Elyzabeth
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Wow, you gave me the chills here! Love the comparison to the sparrow. My goodness. Love it, love it! Great work!!!
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Great stuff…enjoyed the suspense of the scene. Hopefully the use of “Terminator’ doesn’t run afoul of any particular folks…
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Good point. Is may not last first edit 😉
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Wow, that was intense!
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Powerful and a bit creepy scene. Tweeted.
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Harvesters don’t sound very much better–a quick death now, or who knows what later. Very disturbing!
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Your world really interests me. I need more.
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Oh my!! An out of body experience! I so felt for this boy, such a powerful snippet, and now I’m terrified wondering whether he’s destined to make it back to his body or not. Great job.
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A powerful scene and I am poised to discover his fate. Great snippet.
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Harvesting humans? Ugh!
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One very creepy world you’ve built here!
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I’m ready to read the whole book now, enjoying these snippets so much. Highly intriguing!
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Thank you Veronica… That is very kind of you to say so…
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Gripping excerpt today. Very nice.
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Harvester and Terminator… Never really words I like hearing. Great snippet though! Can’t wait for more!
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Wonderful scene. Always touching. I look forward to more.
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But will the Harvester “harvest” him if it determines he’s dead? Or near death? Harvesting could turn out to be worse than being terminated. So much suspense! Great job!
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I agree with Christina! This is riveting, too! Some weeks I especially hate that snippets have to be short, and this is one of them. Kudos on your continuing wonderful excerpts.
Marcia
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Thank you Marcia, that is an awesome thing to say. Much appreciated.
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Astroplaning from his body. He is special by design or his own accord. Can’t wait to find out!
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Oh no – who have they caught???? Tweeted.
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Thank you Daryl!
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That’s some seriously awesome description you’ve got going on there, and what a foreboding scene! Nicely done!
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A harvester, not a terminator…but that doesn’t make me feel much better. Very intriguing.
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Yes. Being Harvested would not be my first choice..
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That was breathtaking and terrifying at the same time. The suspense is killing me!
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Thank you, Christina. I am very glad you are enjoying it.
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Oh, me too! Most of the fear should be created in the reader’s imagination, and you are certainly setting the stage to get their imaginations fired up!
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Thank you Elyzabeth, I am glad to have started getting it right.
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I LOVE the world-building, Kim!! So glad it was a Harvester…for now. 🙂
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Thank you Teresa. It is still evolving in my head. Which is a bit disquieting… But there you go!
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Such great description in that snippet. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
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Thank you Heather! And thank you for dropping by. I am glad you enjoyed it.
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Hmm. Harvesting what, I wonder? For some reason, I don’t think it’s anything as mundane as wheat.
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Isn’t that the joy of horror? A seemingly innocuous term, so apparently loaded with bad things….
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Yikes! I’m not sure which would be scarier, the terminator or the harvester. So much intrigue with this story!
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I truly believe that there are things worse than death.. and the Harvester is one of them. But having said that… as long as you are above ground, there is hope. Thanks for your input Jessica.
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